General Unrest

Here's a scenario I never saw coming. I've had insomnia for several months. I've tried so many different treatments but, inadvertently, threw a monkey wrench in the quest for sleep. I adopted a cat who cries. ALL. NIGHT. LONG.

Today my husband and I took him to see our vet. He was given a clean bill of health. They remarked on his handsomeness - and he truly is one very good looking boy - and his sweet disposition. (Although my husband could debate that, after sustaining some pretty serious scratches while trying to get him into the cat carrier.) Getting over this crying thing is going to "take time." We need to invest in more toys and play time with him. We need to understand that he's adjusting to a new environment.

I have a different thought process. This sweet little #$*% cat needs to understand that I need sleep. I am just as much adjusting to him being in my house as he is to being here. So, whether he likes it or not, we are going to compromise. Tonight he will sleep in his own room, away from the rest of us, with his food, water, and litter box. I will even put the radio on softly for him. In the meantime, I will love him up and play with him until he falls over from exhaustion. But tonight, I will sleep without hearing him wail for hours on end.

 I pray to God that this getting-used-to-each-other phase is over soon. And I also pray that Ambien will be my friend again tonight. I have such good intentions, but things just don't seem to go as I had hoped far more often than I wish. : (

Sleepless Nights

Insomnia bites the big one.

For several months now, I haven't been able to sleep for more than a few hours at a time. This is seriously messing with my usual cheerful disposition. At first, I tried relaxation techniques...quietly reading, hot shower, aromatherapy, nice glass of red wine, meditation. No luck. Then I went the bedding route...soft blankets, fluffy new pillows. Struck out. After that I bought a series of herbal remedies...valerian root, melatonin, Alteril. Nothing. So I bought some Tylenol PM and Advil PM, and had limited results but they just didn't cut it. I tried getting a pedicure and shoulder massage, and that felt wonderful at the time but had absolutely no calming effect come bedtime. So I broke down and went to see my doctor.

He asked, "How's your mood?" I replied, "Oh...I'm grumpy." He said, "I think you're depressed." I thought to myself, "Are you freakin' kidding me?!?!?!?" but what I actually said aloud was, "I'm not depressed. I'm TIRED. I haven't slept through the night in over 3 months. Anybody would be grumpy by now!" He prescribed an antidepressant anyhow. After 9 nights with little sleep, I threw in the towel.

I pleaded with him to change my medication, and he prescribed Ambien. What a crazy medication that is! I realized that my mind was functioning at the velocity of New York City...taxis, busses, subways, cars honking, sirens blaring, people yelling, pollution swirling, lights flashing. Within a few minutes of taking the Ambien, the madness began fading. Like a huge electrical transformer, I felt my brain activity shutting down, grid by grid. It was a little scary at first, but then a huge relief. I slept for 6 ½  hours that night, and I didn't do anything crazy that people have been reported doing while on this medication...like drive myself to the grocery store in my nightgown. Success!

I wish I could take it more often than one or two nights at a time, but I don't want to risk addiction, which would be a whole new problem and I don't need any more of those. But this morning I was wide awake by 2:57 am and I wonder how I'll make it through the day. Ambien, it looks like I'll be seeing you again tonight. xoxo

Kitty Boys

Today I learned that I will probably be adopting a cat this weekend. I was planning to adopt two cats last month, but the plans fell through. I was disappointed but something about the whole transaction felt wrong to me. They were two young cats who had been living together, so I wanted to keep them together. After a series of obstacles, and a seemingly unreasonable adoption fee, I let my instincts steer me away. I still feel sorry for those two cats. It wasn't their fault.

There's nothing extraordinary about the new cat. He's about as plain as a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Just a grey tabby with a sweet face. We're going to meet on Saturday, and I'm hoping we hit it off from the get-go. I miss having a cat in the house since we lost Corey last year. I used to love how he'd curl up beside me in bed purring like a motor boat, especially when I was sick. Yeah, I know he was stealing my body heat but there was something very comforting about his presence. And he would always let me hold him like a baby, and gently rub his paws against my face. He was detached at times, and sometimes grumpy, but I always knew he loved me. I miss the companionship, and soft little meows, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high. We'll see how things go.

**UPDATE** We brought this handsome boy home today. He's got a beautiful grey coat with big green eyes, and he's extremely affectionate. Looks like I have a bona fide lap cat. We are very excited to have this new addition to our family. : )