Sleepless Nights

Insomnia bites the big one.

For several months now, I haven't been able to sleep for more than a few hours at a time. This is seriously messing with my usual cheerful disposition. At first, I tried relaxation techniques...quietly reading, hot shower, aromatherapy, nice glass of red wine, meditation. No luck. Then I went the bedding route...soft blankets, fluffy new pillows. Struck out. After that I bought a series of herbal remedies...valerian root, melatonin, Alteril. Nothing. So I bought some Tylenol PM and Advil PM, and had limited results but they just didn't cut it. I tried getting a pedicure and shoulder massage, and that felt wonderful at the time but had absolutely no calming effect come bedtime. So I broke down and went to see my doctor.

He asked, "How's your mood?" I replied, "Oh...I'm grumpy." He said, "I think you're depressed." I thought to myself, "Are you freakin' kidding me?!?!?!?" but what I actually said aloud was, "I'm not depressed. I'm TIRED. I haven't slept through the night in over 3 months. Anybody would be grumpy by now!" He prescribed an antidepressant anyhow. After 9 nights with little sleep, I threw in the towel.

I pleaded with him to change my medication, and he prescribed Ambien. What a crazy medication that is! I realized that my mind was functioning at the velocity of New York City...taxis, busses, subways, cars honking, sirens blaring, people yelling, pollution swirling, lights flashing. Within a few minutes of taking the Ambien, the madness began fading. Like a huge electrical transformer, I felt my brain activity shutting down, grid by grid. It was a little scary at first, but then a huge relief. I slept for 6 ½  hours that night, and I didn't do anything crazy that people have been reported doing while on this medication...like drive myself to the grocery store in my nightgown. Success!

I wish I could take it more often than one or two nights at a time, but I don't want to risk addiction, which would be a whole new problem and I don't need any more of those. But this morning I was wide awake by 2:57 am and I wonder how I'll make it through the day. Ambien, it looks like I'll be seeing you again tonight. xoxo